Hillary Clinton's Rope- A -Dope
Acting on a tip, The Morning Delivery learned Senator Hillary Clinton was spotted at Gleasons Gym in Brooklyn, New York. So we immediately snapped into action and dispatched one of our roving reporters, Rusty Rover, to try to catch up with the junior senator before she got away.
Here’s a text of the interview that was filed just minutes ago.
Here’s a text of the interview that was filed just minutes ago.
Scene: Reporter enters the gym and notices Senator Clinton standing with her arms folded about 50 feet from the ring, her eyes mesmerized, watching two boxers mixing it up.
Roving Reporter: Hello Senator, funny meeting you here in a boxing gym, no less. Want to go a few rounds? (Shuffles his feet, while starting to shadow box).
Sen. Clinton: (Slowly turns her head toward reporter and shoots off a cold hard stare)
Roving Reporter: (With a nervous laughter, mutters): On second thought, let's just chat, my left hook isn't what it used to be; and the word on the street is you're a master at the counter punch; you'd probably clean my clock. So what brings you to Gleason's Gym anyway?
Sen. Clinton: Well, I have a feeling I’m in for a long bruising campaign; and I want to get a sense how best to approach my opponents: should I just jab at them until I wear them down; maybe a nice swift rabbit punch, just when my opponent isn't looking; or maybe I'll do what works for Bill and I best: feinting, just so my opponents thinks I'm about to go down for the count; then I'll come back with a left jab, straight right, and left hook-- and knock those dumb vulnerable bastards on their duffs.
Roving Reporter: Yikes! Just for the record, I have no plans of ever stepping into the ring with you Senator Clinton. Now I know you're really in it to win. I forgot President Clinton was the master of the weaving, the fancy footwork, and the powerful uppercut.
Sen. Clinton: He was the ``Comeback Kid'' you know?
Roving Clinton: Yes, I know. But it's amazing most politicians are natural cunning boxers; but you and Bill seemed to do it with such ease.
Sen. Clinton: Well, what I can I say, Bill may have seemed reckless at times, and a little too slick, but I'm proud of what my husband accomplished in and out of the ring during his two administrations.
Roving Reporter: Senator Clinton, since we are in a boxing gym; I guess this is as good a time as any to discuss the sparring that’s been going on between you and your chief rivals: Senator Barack Obama and John Edwards. They hit you with some swift blows during the last debate, enough to cut your once unshakable lead in the polls, with less than two months to go before the Iowa caucuses. Mr. Edwards, in particular, pointed our your ``double talk’’, while Obama was critical of the way you ``flip-flopped’’ on granting driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants.
Sen. Clinton: Listen….I think we have more pressing concerns than to engage in name calling. We are, after all, mixed up in a dreadful civil war in Iraq, the economy is in shambles; thousands of industrial workers in the northeast are without jobs, our health care system needs reform, and global warming is growing more threatening every day. So I think we all need to put away our boxing gloves and start behaving like Democrats and get the country back on its feet again. And if Senator Obama and John Edwards were standing here, I’m sure they would back me up on that.
Roving Reporter: Senator, those are moving words; you’re sounding more presidential every day.
Sen. Clinton: Well, thank you Mr. Rover, but I never believed in mud-slinging and hitting below the belt. And I especially loathe drumming up nasty rumors about your opponents, just for political advantage, like the suggestion going around that Senator Obama has a drinking problem, and John Edwards got more than a haircut, when he forked over $400 to his stylist. That kind of malicious gossip just doesn't interest me and has no place in the political arena.
Roving Reporter: (Left eyebrow is now raised) Senator Obama has a drinking problem, Edwards, paid for more than a hair cut? What are you suggesting senator?
Sen. Clinton: Oooh, you know, I shouldn’t even have mentioned that, these are such non- issues with me. Personally, I think its Obama’s strong cologne that fills the air with a slight scent of Bourbon. And Mr. Edwards, well, he has to make himself as presentable as possible in front of all those Wall Street executives and hedge-fund brokers. I’m sure the $400 haircut is the going rate for a well financed candidate these days.
Please be discreet Mr. Rover, I wouldn’t want you whispering this to some of your more widely read journalist friends.
Scene: (Cell phone falls from Clinton's coat, Rover and the senator both reach down to pick it up at the same time; and she inadvertently whacks him in the eye as he hands her the phone.)
Sen. Clinton: You might want to put some ice on that eye; it looks like it's beginning to swell.
Please be discreet Mr. Rover, I wouldn’t want you whispering this to some of your more widely read journalist friends.
Scene: (Cell phone falls from Clinton's coat, Rover and the senator both reach down to pick it up at the same time; and she inadvertently whacks him in the eye as he hands her the phone.)
Sen. Clinton: You might want to put some ice on that eye; it looks like it's beginning to swell.
Roving Reporter: The ice can wait; aren't you at least going to apologize for smacking me in the eye?
Sen. Clinton: Oh, don't be silly, you're going to live Mr. Rover.
Roving Reporter: I know I'm going to live, the point is, are you going to apologize? It’s not a very big thing to say I’m sorry.
Sen. Clinton: Listen, Mr. Rover, don't get testy with me; I took responsibility for my actions by suggesting you put some ice on that eye, what else I can offer you.
Roving Reporter: How bout an apology?
Sen. Clinton: Mr. Rover, if I apologize to you, then everyone will want an apology from me every damn time I do something wrong. Next thing you know, I'll have to apologize to the doorman for slamming the door in his face, my staff, for throwing my blackberry at their heads, my mailman for forgetting his Christmas tip; and to all those small insignificant people that I crushed on my way to the White House. It just would set a bad precedent, do you catch my drift?
Roving Reporter: OK. I guess I just overreacted. I'm sorry.
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